the year that was - Keebo Diary - 6

I am told the year is coming to an end and in another 2 weeks time we will get into 2015. Thanks to my parents, every year we end up celebrating 3 new year’s.. Western, Tamil and the Marvari new year’s. Oops, I forgot we live in a state that celebrates the new year on some other date…so that makes it 4 different new year’s for me.  Now I have a doubt,  as per Hindu calendar are we living in Year 2014 or is it some other year? Nobody at my home seems to be knowing, I will google it when I grow up.

My 2014 was wonderful but I can’t talk much about my achievements on a public forum, as I am told I may voluntarily attract Evil eyes or Boori Nazar.  In fact, Amma plants a Kaala Teeka (black spot) on my forehead every single day, it is apparently done to make me look imperfect so that no-one is jealous of me.  Still I do fall sick once in a while and last time I fell sick, Amma waved red chilly over my head and then burnt it in the kitchen. Myself and Anna cried a lot due to the chillied smoke that caused irritation to our eyes …it was horrible.. I guess eating healthy food, washing my hands regularly, etc are better remedies.  Also, how do I tell my mother that the nose I have inherited from my father is enough to keep the malicious eyes away, I don’t need anything more now.

This year I got lot of new toys, I love my red car the most. I have been driving it for almost 5-6 months now. The car is in mint condition, no accidents and in fact not even a single scratch till date.  In spite of such a wonderful driving performance by me, Appa does not let me drive his car and in protest I also don’t let him touch my car. I do share my car with my Anna though, you know he shows me some wonderful videos on youtube and is always just a shout away.

Appa also has got a new toy for himself,  it is some DSLR camera and Appa seems to be obsessed with it. He seems to be clicking every damn thing on earth… flying insects, dry leaves, some old cycle abandoned on the road and the way he is going.. he might even capture the hydrogen and oxygen that is hidden in water.  Now, as long as Appa plays with his camera by himself it is ok but we want him to soon STOP TAKING PICTURES OF THE FOOD and LET US EAT !
Talking about food….You know what, Appa and Anna’s trick of watching "Food Food" channel worked. Amma dished out lot more different varieties from her kitchen this year and most of them were lip smacking !

So it was a good year for me and now some goodies will be a perfect end to 2014. Santa are you listening ?

after life ..

Samir was returning back from his neighbor Rakesh’s funeral, it didn’t rain that day but Samir’s eyes did the honors. Lost in the lovely memories of his friend, Samir lit up his cigarette and started to drive back home. Damn ! I am going to miss the morning walk, family get-togethers, etc etc thought Samir as he was driving

“Stop by that corner, we need to have a chat” said someone from the back seat of the car.  Samir almost swallowed the cigarette….that was Rakesh’s voice. Scared to death, Samir stopped the car and turned back when Rakesh said – "stop smoking.. don’t you know that Cigarette is what killed me …"

Samir has now quit smoking and has started running instead of just walking (his lungs are no longer abused !)..

*****

 

Samir’s son Shekhar was alone at home. Shekhar's mom's favorite aunt had expired in some village near Delhi and Shekhar’s parents were off to pay their last respects. Shekhar decided to stay back in Bangalore to prepare for his board exams.

Studying alone is boring so Shekhar invited his friends for group studies. The sincere kids made some good progress and during their break they decided to use the Ouija board. For about an hour, they tried all kind of procedures that they read on internet but no spirit turned up. Dejected and frustrated they decided to go to bed... except for Shekhar who stayed up to finish off the pending Math problem that he had been struggling with

Shekhar was again stuck at one of the steps in his Math problem and that is when someone from behind asked him to use the reciprocal rule to get past the step. Shekhar turned back to find no one, he looked at the Ouija board and remembered that they had been trying to call Isaac Newton, who had developed the modern calculus. Completely thrilled, he rushed to give his friends the good news but he froze when he found that one of his friends, Ramesh, has slit the throat of their other friend. Ramesh was trembling with fear and was talking to himself – “shit I should not have called Charles Shobhraj…damn this planchette !”

Ramesh has been declared mentally unstable and is undergoing treatment….but he throws away all those pills given to him as he knows he does not need them ..

*****

 

Unlike his father Samir, Shekhar’s Mom Vrinda never believed her son and Rakesh’s version of the Ouija board story. She strongly felt Shekhar also needs medical attention like Ramesh but thanks to Samir, Shekhar was not undergoing any treatment. 

One day, Vrinda was getting late to office and before heading out, Vrinda quickly showed up at the mirror and started wearing her red lipstick but for a change her mirror image was doing its own thing and her mirror image was looking more like her favorite aunt who recently expired. Vrinda’s heart leaped to her mouth when her aunt asked – “Do you believe in life after death? 

Vrinda has now joined the society of Paranormal Research and Education !

Play Safe..

7 families all Hindus but from different parts of India came together for Diwali celebrations. They burst lot of crackers and had sumptuous dinner at the apartment’s clubhouse that they had booked to spend their evening. They all were getting ready to play some family games and  as they prepared for the games,  kids started asking questions -

why do we celebrate Diwali ?
Tamilian : Diwali is celebrated on Naraka Chaturdashi (which was actually yesterday). It was on this day that the demon Narakasura was killed by Satyabhama (one of Krishna’s wives)
Rajasthani : No !!  that is Chotti Diwali, actual Diwali is today. Diwali was the day when Lord Rama returned to Ayodhya
UPite : Yes Rajasthani is right, actual Diwali is today but the actual reason is - this was the day when the Pandavas returned back from their exile
Keralite : no this is all wrong, the Tamilian is right !
Atheist : for the record, Jains and Sikhs also have some other reason to celebrate Diwali.

Confused kids then asked - why do we worship Goddess Lakshmi on this day ?
Almost everyone :  Lakshmi is the goddess of wealth, we do her puja so that she bestows us with prosperity
Bengali : not just Goddess Lakshmi, we do Kali puja as well

Ok but will Goddess Lakshmi guarantee prosperity ? we spend so much on flowers, sweets, etc to make her happy, do these rituals guarantee good returns ?
Rajasthani: There is no guarantee, teachers and parents prepare you well for the exams but getting good grades is up to you. These rituals gives you hope for a better future, you still need to work hard and be confident that Goddess Lakshmi will ensure the events will turn out to be the best for you

Ok, why do we take Oil bath on Diwali before sunrise?
Majority : no we don’t do such a thing.

Appa, why did you torture me then ?
Tamilian : As per our tradition, this ritual is equivalent to taking bath in Ganges. Now, Please don’t ask why  we do this only on the day of Diwali ! you can do it daily as well. Btw, we use sesame oil for bath and it has properties that help us, you can google to find out more

Why do we clean our house for Diwali ?
Keralite: Forgot ?? we expect Goddess Lakshmi to come to our house, we need to ensure she is happy. Remember cleanliness is Godliness

Why not do it on all days ?
Punjabi: Indeed we should do it on all days and we do clean ever day but on Diwali we clean every little corner and then decorate with Lights +  Rangoli to make it more special.  Now kids ..can you all go home and sleep please !!!

Tired after bursting crackers and asking endless questions, the kids went to sleep and the adults settled down for the game of cards (gambling).  They all were having a gala time, in fact these folks were enjoying the loses as well.  Meanwhile, some rocket took a detour and crashed into the transformer outside the apartment and the power went off

14 adults were all stuck in the clubhouse that was pitch dark, suddenly there was this sound of kiss and a tight slap. Within seconds the place was again well lit, maybe the electrician had switched on the generator. They all looked at each other, no one spoke a word, one of them wrapped up the game and they all went to their respective homes !  except two the rest spent the night thinking … was it my spouse ?

Happy Diwali to all in advance and play safe in everything that you do !

Hi Appa,

I checked heaven.com, you were not there. I checked hell.com I did not find you there either…  are you back on earth ? I have serious doubts, are you my younger son now?  Your youngest grandson Keebo has all your traits, he wakes me up early morning on weekends.  Just like you, Keebo prefers to spend quality time with God every day unlike me who negotiates with God only when absolutely required. Keebo enjoys watching Tamil songs and dances to those irritating suprabhatams that you used to play every morning. He spends lot of time in the kitchen though he has no clue about cooking (I still can’t forget those burnt bhindis and shapeless rotis that you dished out when we lived alone for few weeks). Like you Keebo also loves to share his food and always gives the larger portion to his brother (even his favorite ice cream).  Well, Keebo also gives lot of flying kisses to the women around, I now have my doubts about your younger days (I will have to dig into your old files and get some secrets out J )

I know you are gone forever but I try to find you in people around me. 8 years gone but your lovely memories make me happy and your blessings keep us going....

Regards, Your Son

Oh My God ...Keebo's Diary - 5

I am growing quite fast, no I am not bluffing … new pair of shoes, clothes and the XL size diapers are testimony to this fact.  From baby steps to running, I have come a long way but gravity is a good teacher it keeps me grounded, I end up on my bum (ouch!) whenever I get over confident.  Last week was Lord Krishna’s birthday and Amma dressed me up like little Krishna. After dressing me up, Amma was trying her best to make me laugh but the gags were not good enough so I didn't oblige but after a while I succumbed to her wishes when I realized all she wanted was few good clicks to post on facebook or Instagram or whatsapp or may be all !

By the way, Amma makes me pray every day and I kind of like it. We have quite a few idols of gods/goddesses in our temple and I must say all of them are quite good looking. I have a special liking for Hanuman (the monkey god), may be that is why I like the rhyme “five little monkeys” more than any other.

Once in a while, Amma reads Hanuman Chalisa for me and last Sunday she was telling me that whenever I have problems, all I have to do is read Hanuman Chalisa 108 times and Lord Hanuman will take care of me. Bhai was around and asked why should we read Hanuman Chalisa only 108 times and not more ? to which Appa replied – 108 is a very sacred number and its significance in the universe cannot be ignored. He explained that the diameter of the sun is 108 times the diameter of the earth, the distance between the sun and earth is 108 times the diameter of the sun, also the average distance of the moon from the earth is 108 times the diameter of the moon.

I didn’t understand much but Bhai seemed to have deciphered Appa’s explanation. Appa tried to justify the significance of 108 with few more details which I don’t recall now but the gist was our Sages knew about all this long before modern science discovered it and they had decided that repeating the prayers 108 times will be good.

Bhai never gets convinced,  he questioned -  “will it not be better to spend this time studying for the exams rather than simply repeating Hanuman Chalisa” ? Appa’s response was – “chanting OM 108 times or reading Hanuman Chalisa will fill you with new vigor and strength, these are simply forms of meditation and it will increase your concentration power. It simply means you can complete your studies in 30 minutes instead of 2 hrs, is it not great ?”. Bhai laughed and replied to Appa, - “I don’t study more than 30 minutes anyways so I don’t need to do it. Also, I have never seen you doing this so I guess I will be fine”. Amma and Appa smiled at each other, probably thinking they need to walk the talk.

Like all other days, Amma closed the morning prayers by applying Vibhuti (sacred ash) on mine and bhai’s forehead. Bhai wanted to ask the reason for this ritual but then better sense prevailed and he withheld his query, saving us from another boring lecture from Appa.

I hear Ganesh Chaturthi is around the corner and Bhai tells me Amma will make some yummy modaks ….i am waiting for you Lord Ganesha !

10 yrs of learning ..

Just like today it was late that night as well, the rats and bats were snoring but I was tossing and turning in my bed. I don’t recall what I was thinking that night, as it has been 10 yrs since then but today I am clear about all that I have learnt in the last 10 years of our marriage. Few that come to my mind …

• Usually it is a man who says this to his wife but in my case it was oolta… you told me “Papa ke paer chuo”, well at my place it is only on a b’day or marriage anniversary or festivals that you take blessings. Yahan tho jab milo tab paer chuo…anyways lesson no. 1 was learnt !
• When you made that Idli and I asked you to ask my mother to get the secret behind my mother’s soft idlis, I learnt my second lesson – If I want, I can eat what you cook or else I am free to go back to mummy :-)
• Your effort and love needs to be appreciated, so what if I have to wear starched underwear :-(
• I used to like cooking,  cooking used to be my stress buster but a full time baawarchi is a stressful job. The lesson learnt is -  I need to be careful about showcasing my skills in the future
• When you share your concerns, you don’t want solutions. You just want me to listen
• When you share your concerns, you want solutions. You don’t want me to just listen

Above 2 are contradictory and that is why I never understood these 2 lessons, clearing IIT entrance is easier. Anyways, I am trying and I guess I do pass occasionally

• Over years i have learnt that lying helps in avoiding conflicts, especially when I have to talk about  how great you look in those bright and colorful clothes
• I learnt it the hard way that I should continue to take permission before I plan for an evening with friends. Earlier it was parents now it is you (nothing changed for me, it is status quo )
• I think like most girls or women you feel great whenever there is a public display of love and affection….my blogs are a proof that I am doing good there J
• I have decided never to refute your choices. I have realized your choices are better than mine, after all you chose me ;-)

By the way, it is quite late in the night and  it is not that I am not feeling sleepy.  I came in to sleep about an hour back and I tried to make space for myself but then our 2 kids and you have hijacked the bed. Find me in kids room when you wake up !

happy 10^th marriage anniversary and many more to come …

Just Like that ... Keebo's Diary - 4

Back 2 Bangalore !! oops, I never told you…had been to Mumbai to have some fun with my grandparents and now I am back refreshed, energized and ready to climb the bunker bed in my room. In fact, once I was almost half way up and amma saw me… she pulled me down, yelled at me, and gave my caretaker a five minute lecture. Amma has now stationed a Tiger near the bed to scare me but I have my own doubts.. I think it is a soft toy but who will take the risk ? Can somebody confirm ? It is my goal to get to the top bunk before I turn ONE !

Mumbai was hot but most mumbaikars have some machine which makes it a Bangalore, so it was fine. Went to Kidzania, Anna was doing all the cool stuff there and me/ Amma did what the cheerleaders do in an IPL match. Apart from visiting my relatives, I went to the beach as well and I loved walking on the sand.  Forgot to tell you that I have started taking baby steps, not a pro yet and I am intentionally taking it easy, as there are rumors that Amma might send me to school once I start walking….and knowing Amma she might even do that !

Well, for a change I am missing Appa and his antics, I see very less of him these days as he seems to be busy with work.  Most important thing, I have figured out that dad has a medical problem.. he turns deaf at night and the proof is - he does not wake up to my ear shattering screams post-midnight….only Amma wakes up ! I tried explaining about Appa’s medical problem to Bhai and Amma but these folks still don’t seem to understand my language, I will try for few more days and if they don’t learn my language then I will start speaking Tamil or Hindi or English or whatever these folks can follow. I have to get my Appa’s ear problem fixed you see…

Shit…potty is coming, see you later !

Keebo's Diary-3

It is boring these days as holidays are over and everyone is back into their routine. During weekends, I am the only one left with all the time in this world and weekends seem so very short. Anyway holiday time was super fun, holiday season kick started with bhai's parents teacher meet (PTM) and bhai got some half a dozen certificates for god knows what, i felt very jealous as the only certificate i have is the birth certificate (and i had no contribution in it :-), yaa i know i am already cracking some naughty one liners). During the PTM, my mother was complementing bhai's teacher on her new hair cut (come on Amma...not happening, we are here for something else ). Teacher also played along and said she can afford to do everything as she is not married yet. I could see the frustration in bhai's eyes but Appa was super excited as if he saw some ice cream with quite a few cherries on it (Appa you better behave in public places !)

During holidays, i had fun with my cousin at chennai and pondicherry, went gokarting with friends of my parents and did some masti at wonderla with family. Wonderla was the best, i want to get into all those water rides..god i want to grow fast, are you listening ? I had told this to you when i met you @ Vinayagar temple in Pondicherry but i don't see any major changes, why is it so ? i still can't fly like that TV cartoon, i still don't have proper teeth, i am not allowed to play in the garden, i was not taken to watch dhoom-3...i am just stuck at crawling and that is also allowed only at home ! Come on do something God

I got to see Bhai's excellent wii skills during this vacation, he is like sachin tendulkar of Mario game. Also do not tell anyone .. but my parents just don't deserve to play these video games, they are pathetic. No wonder my parents are jealous of bhai and have put restriction on his video game playing time, poor guy has to read books or sketch or study. Whatever bhai chooses to do, he sneaks out time to play with me and I love him for this ..

before i close, my new year resolution is to be more assertive about my feelings. I need ice cream and coke everyday, no exceptions please ..