Year of Get-Togethers - Keebo's Diary 16

2024 was the year of get togethers for us but before I dive into the get-together and before Anna steals the spotlight again, I want to share some exciting news. I successfully passed the challenging grammar school exam and have now started attending the best secondary school in the UK. It took a lot of effort and some last-minute negotiations with god to clear the test but people around me say it was expected because I supposedly come from an impeccable pedigree. Which pedigree are they referring to?

Appa is as quirky as a pigeon. He could easily take his car or hop on public transport, but no, he chooses to walk everywhere. It's like those pigeons that waddle across the road or strut around the backyard, completely forgetting they can fly. Someone needs to remind the pigeons about their wings and Appa about cars! 

Amma spends most of her time hunting for her phone. Instead of asking others to call her mobile, she discovered her smartwatch can do it. Now, she first searches for her smartwatch! The other day, she was wandering around the house like a dacoit with a gold detector because she forgot where she kept her gold chain.

Anna still doesn’t have a girlfriend, I don’t have to say anything more.

So, once again, who knows what pedigree everyone is talking about. I'm convinced I've evolved beyond the off-the-shelf genes I was given. 

I've gone off on a bit of a tangent, I was meant to talk about the get-togethers. Last year, I spent time with every single member of my family. We did all the family activities, touristy things, had lots of adventures, and enjoyed amazing food

During the summer, my paternal family visited us, and we hit all the major tourist spots in the UK, from Greenwich to the Highlands. Playing tour guide was a blast, but the real highlight was getting the Rakhi tied in person by my Akka after ages and, of course, Aachi's legendary Dosa. If Aachi's Dosa had an Instagram account, it would be the ultimate influencer with more followers than a celebrity chef!

After spending time with the paternal family, it was time for the maternal side in the winter, but we turned it into summer by jetting off to warmer countries. Anna and my cousin sister both decided to jump out of a moving airplane and, thankfully, landed safely. My family and I went underwater, swam with sharks, saw beautiful corals and fishes, but Anna kept getting lost in the ocean (I think he was on a mermaid hunt, poor kid still believes in fairy tales). Honestly, I half-expected him to come back with a seashell crown and a trident.  Jet skiing in the Indian Ocean with Anna was a blast, but in the Persian Gulf, it was like watching paint dry with my super slow Amma. Now that I'm old enough, I got to ride the ATV bike on my own in the sand dunes and had a not-so-thrilling dune race with the family. Those who didn’t dare to jump out of the airplane opted for the safer route of buying a ticket to the tall towers to enjoy the breathtaking city views

Paternal or Maternal, with our family, temple run is inevitable. This time, it hit me that Indian temples had the 'bell' icon long before YouTube did... damn, YouTube totally swiped that idea

Overall, I had a fantastic year, but who knows what the next few years will bring.  Love my new school but I want to tell them that humans aren't like bacteria or uranium; we don't behave the same way under a microscope

Trauma - Keebo's Diary 15

Wow it is almost 3 years since my last post. Not that I was busy, I had ample time but I was being Appa (lazy I mean).  I have come a long way in these 3 years and thinking about it makes me nostalgic about the beautiful vacations filled with life time experiences, my newly acquired skills, fun filled games night, sleepovers, etc but it also brings the trauma caused by Appa's decision.

To increase our bonding, Appa forced me and my Anna to play together. First of all, Anna is the worst playmate. 99% of time, all Anna wants to play is chess and I hate the game. We all will end up being someone's spouse in the future and chess players can never be a good spouse,  there can be no justification to sacrificing your beloved Queen or going after someone else's Queen and that is all chess players do !  Anna's response to this is - who wants to be a good spouse when you can be a good "player". I know it is not his intellect but his hormones doing the talking

We tried playing carrom together, this is better than chess but again it was all about winning the queen in the end. I must tell that in carrom, Appa ends up with the queen, and in this aspect Anna is still lagging behind our laggard Appa. I am bad at carrom so it was a torture playing it and add Anna to the equation, the torture only multiplies (wow, I am good at mathematics isn't it .. )

Anna and me played quite a bit of cricket as well,  Anna prefers to bowl and I play with full cricket gear even when he is bowling with a soft ball. My Appa thinks Anna has rekindled his childhood love for cricket but I think the real reason is, Anna wants to injure me with his pace bowling for his sadistic pleasure (i am convinced chess players are violent, in their game they strategize to kill others or sacrifice their clan for just few points in their rating..)

It is not just sports or games, we have been also asked to do some chores together like cleaning or cooking to earn extra XBOX time. He is the worst partner, he takes half of the extra XBOX time but when its cleaning time he rushes to the toilet and sits in his den for 1hr+ and comes out when I am done with the work. What a waste of 1 hr just to get few minutes of extra XBOX time but chess players are weird, they can spend hours staring at few pieces scattered on 64 squares..

Sorry guys whenever I speak about the last 3 years, the trauma caused by my chess obsessed Anna usually takes over my beautiful experiences. I think we should catch up over a glass of chilled cola and I can share my happy memories ! See you soon ..

Still Desi ... Keebo's Diary 14

I am grown up now and I think I can write quite well but I will let my Appa do the honors as my handwriting is difficult to comprehend. We are in a digital world but my super competitive Amma is still forcing me to improve my handwriting. I tried to explain it to her but failed, I am now planning to do a crash course on parenting skills and then educate Amma about new age parenting. Let’s see if I succeed.

I continue to learn keyboard but my parents should know there is no music in our DNA. In few of the sleep overs with family friends, while we were in kids room, I have heard my parents and their friends sing (karaoke). Except for one guy who sings good English songs, others are dreadful singers but these social liars still praise each other. Me and Anna are planning to secretly record their karaoke videos and then our ransom will be unlimited XBOX time. You know what, we are allowed XBOX only during weekends and even during weekends we get very limited exposure. I sincerely doubt if that is enough to sustain for the whole week. There should be a blood test which verifies if Vitamin G (Vitamin Gadget) is in the recommended range, I plan to write to WHO about this. Will keep you guys posted.

You know what, in spite of being in UK for quite some time,  there is nothing British about my parents. Amma’s organs are still Indian especially her taste buds, she still eats Burger with Bhujia (me and Anna hide under the table when she does that) but Appa has one thing common with the British, he also has an Asian wife 😛 . Our parents still watch Indian shows and me, Anna have to endure the torture especially the Indian reality shows like KBC, dance and singing shows. One should never ever watch such reality shows with parents, after every damn participant’s back story, Amma gives us a lecture on hard work, family values, blah blah blah … One of the contestants on KBC told about how he is working hard to get his younger sister married….. Amma looked at us, me and Anna shouted back in unison “we don’t have a sister…so stop !!” , what came back from Amma was a bombastic lecture on how we have to take care of our cousins … Me and Anna have bought a piggy bank to save for our cousin’s marriage.  Our goal in life is  - study hard, start earning and save for sisters marriage, ideal goal for Sanskari India bachcha !

Going back to Indian TV shows, after watching Ramayana for about a year we have moved on to Luv n Kush and we all love it. The latest query I have is - why do characters in Ramayana / Luv n Kush not have any last name ? Amma seemed clueless ! By the way, in school we were taught that Adam and Eve were the first people on earth, Amma tells me Brahma created us and Anna keeps talking about some evolution. I don’t know whom to believe but I am very skeptical about Adam and Eve story, after all who were Adam and Eve ? Can Chinese, Indians, Americans, Africans, British, etc. all have same ancestors? I will figure out someday but not now….it is time to relax, my exams are almost over and just couple of more weeks for the Christmas break. I am going to have a gala time and hope you all too have a good break !  Happy holidays …

OMB – Oh Mere Bhagwan : Keebo's Diary 13

Saturday 21st July, it was the first day of my summer holidays and the day I was waiting for over a year. You know what, pretending to be a good student @ school was very tiring but I got my rewards. For those who know me, can very well tell that I am an average Joe but my school gave me few awards this year and I also got an annual award for my academic performance. I guess I am a good actor (nothing else justifies the certificates), I will check with Siri or Alexa if acting is a good career option. Anyways, more than the accolades coming my way, the best part was Anna didn’t get any annual award :-)

I was hoping for a grand pizza, crisps and chocolate cake party with my mates to kick off my holidays but no-one seemed bothered. Appa was busy working on his laptop, Amma went shopping and Anna disappeared with his friends. I played with my toys and then decided to find solace in Ninja-Go, I binge watched few seasons before my dad realized that I need to be fed. Dad claims to be a MasterChef but all he gave me was a sandwich, the ketchup was better than the sandwich

Mom came back, saw the toys scattered all over the house and gave dad + me a lecture for doing nothing. Appa didn’t respond but Anna told her “don’t be flustered we will spruce it up in no time”. I guess Amma couldn't comprehend what Anna said and the discussion took a wrong turn and Amma ended up banning English @ home.

We have been now instructed to talk only in Hindi @ home and she is damn serious about it. Every sentence we speak in English, we lose 5 minutes of XBOX time. More than 10 sentences a day in English and no crisps for a week..... the damages only get worst. Myself and Anna, tried to protest the new rule and the prohibitive penalties but it hasn't helped.  Since we cannot live without crisps and XBOX is our best friend, we decided to follow the orders.

What a start to holidays, isn't it ? Just when I thought no more studies, we have to now learn Hindi ! So no more OMG - Oh My God, till further notice it will be OMB – Oh Mere Bhagwan

Happy new year - Keebo's Diary 12

You know what 2017 ended with a bang, we had a short but super awesome vacation in India. The highlight was my great grandmother’s 100th Bday celebration. It was nice to see great grandma’s kids and their descendants celebrating and acknowledging their creator by performing special poojas, arranging for blessings from a renowned religious guru, and organizing a gala event where family members did their bit to entertain great grandma with their antics. It was really an once in a life time celebration but you know what.. knowingly or unknowingly, with their actions my grandparents have taught us that a little support to our parents when they need us, is the greatest blessing for them and by doing so we also set an example for the future generation, that was my takeaway from this celebration.

BTW, I do hope few things have ended with 2017, like I wish better sense prevails my annoying Anna and his friends, they need to stop playing with my toys. In 2018, I also wish folks are clear on what is socially appropriate and what is not, during my toddler days appa and amma used to be elated once I burped but now they stare at me…its very confusing. Also this year, Appa needs to stop watching Netflix as Netflix is suggesting me to watch movies like Sooryavansham, Indra the tiger etc …its embarrassing, what do I tell my friends who come over for movie weekends ?  In this digital age, one has to understand the impact of bad karma or just learn to clear the history !

My wish list for 2018 is quite long but thanks to my parents I am already super busy and I have no time to fulfil my own wishes. My parents (for some reason) have decided my new year resolutions and as per that I need to learn Tamil, I have been already forcefully enrolled to Ice Skating classes, Amma has short listed few leisure centres for my swimming lessons, I overheard Appa telling Anna about removing the support wheels from my bike, music classes already started late last year and I still have to live up to the precedence set by Anna in academics. Isn’t that cruel ??? I want to lodge a complaint against them but no-one is taking me seriously, I come from a democratic country and am temporarily living in one but I don’t think those privileges have been passed onto me.  But me being me, I will not give up and I will surely figure out something, may be a tweet to India's external affairs minister will help ?

You guys are wondering I started this diary with importance of parents and now I am saying all this… haven’t you met a hypocrite before ! huh !

Ramblings -Keebo's Diary 11

Sun literally never sets here in the UK, it just goes for a quick shower and is back again smiling. Well I am not complaining, it is a welcome change after a really cold winter. We have finally started visiting few places, a family trip to Edinburgh was super fun. During the trip, my little cousin scared the shit out of her parents while she was just clearing her throat which took a wee bit longer than usual.  The incident, reminded me of my good old days when I could scare my parents by simply crying, these days I get punishment for the same. Time is indeed flying too fast, can someone slowdown the earth please ? I have no interest in growing up, I am happy enjoying my childhood as I know what I am going to be subjected to when I grow up.  You know what - for the Indian parents here in UK, getting their kid into a grammar school seems to be the ultimate badge of honour and also a testament of good parenting skills. Poor Anna is bearing the brunt of this and these days he is spending most of his energy in prepping for this onerous entrance exam. I wish him good luck and also eagerly waiting for his exam to get over. I want to see him doing what he does the best …play badminton, chess, gully cricket, console games, cycling or simply watch some cartoon !

In spite of Anna’s gruelling schedule, we did visit few wonderful places in the UK.  I loved the science museum and during the visit I overheard Appa explaining to Anna about some of the technology advancement that we can experience is the near future. Autonomous car is one such thing, I am super thrilled with this invention as it means there will be no need for a license to use a car and hopefully kids can go around without parents. Appa seemed worried that another industry will cease to exist due to technology changes, but then he pacified himself as this industry anyways never existed 100 yrs back.. so it is fine.

Talking about worries, I am still struggling to use the fidget spinner and hopefully will get better at it soon. Amma keeps telling Anna not to use the fidget spinner as it is actually used as an aid for individuals with anxiety, Autism, etc. Last week Anna retorted back “Amma can you tell me, why does Lord Krishna have a fidget spinner in his hand then ?” Appa giggled, Amma said sorry to the Lord and I am still struggling with my spinner

Chalo, the complex is now filled with sound of the Ice cream van jingle, it probably just entered my complex. I need to rush to get my cone, see ya later

Rain, Rain, Go Away - Keebo's Diary - 10

After a very long battle with the Sun God, poor Bangaloreans are now under the captivity of Rain Gods. Thanks to the hottest summer in 85 years and Amma’s strict instructions to stay indoors, I spent most of my summer vacation at home (baring the evening fun) and now thanks to the Rain gods my evenings are also indoors.

I am not sure if it was our apartment association’s decision or not but during the peak summer, quite a few of my apartment residents decided to teach “Sun” a lesson by assigning him lot of work - like drying clothes, drying  red chilies / papad / pickles, drying mattresses soiled by toddlers, generating electricity (some solar energy) and host of other things. In fact, I saw that some foreigners were also invited and we asked the Sun to TAN them. Tanning reminds me something about Appa, Appa says - he looked like Anglo-Indian as a baby but one hot summer he got an irreversible tan and then he became Afro-Indian (chuckle from Amma and Anna whenever Appa tells this incident makes me think if there is any truth to his story). Anyways, we residents have been successful in our mission and Sun ran away from Bangalore. Nowadays, on rare occasions when the Sun does show up, the heat is not as bad as it was earlier. I think it was important to be strict to teach Sun a lesson and I now forgive Amma for all the disciplinary measures that she had enforced to potty train me, I guess she was right !

Problems are like “susu” it keeps coming every now and then. After the problems with the  Sun, the Rain gods are creating havoc in Bangalore and we residents need to stand united to solve this problem as well. I tried singing the rhyme “Rain Rain go away” but didn’t work and now having done my bit, I look up to the elders to do the magic. The least I want is - no rains during evening time or convince my parents to allow me to play in the rain..

Talking about Gods and thanks to Aachi, Ramayana fever has hit Anna and me. We love watching Ramayana every day and I am eagerly waiting to see how Sita will be freed from the clutches of Ravana. In the serial I saw quite a few Gods and I see that none of the Gods have hair on their body. I re-verified this fact with the idols in our temple and my observations seem to be correct.. but any idea why is it so ? In fact a clean shaven monkey god is quite strange, I haven’t see a single clean shaven monkey in real life.   Amma gave me a stare when I asked her this question and Appa simply smiled (more of a wicked smile),  I even asked Google using the google voice search and google gave unrelated answers (Mr. Google, your voice search is not Indian Child accent friendly, fix it !)…whatever, I will ask Aachi or Naani.. as they seem to understand God related aspects better. 

Apart from watching Ramayana, these days the bedtime stories are also little events from Ramayana and Amma is our Valmiki.  By the way, she had told me that Ravana has 10 heads but today I saw in the serial that he has only one head. Tonight I will ask Amma about such a big blunder in her version…Amma you better have an answer !